February 24, 2017


Things are going back when I thought I already got over them. Nope, it's not. I'm mad. I'm mad with everything. I'm mad with people how they are not being respectful. Is that it? They don't respect me, is it because I'm doing things bad? So they judge me? Everything I do is never enough because they're all not good. I'm mad with myself. See? I still have this severe self-loath. Things are just going around and around and it's going back. Do I only focus on the negative side? Am I being self-centered? Might be the case. What I feel, not that I can handle it. I only want to create arts I like. But, what if mine is not selling out? What if people don't love my works? What if people don't love me as an artist or as a person they can relate to? This is crazy. I feel like I'm an insane garbage to have thoughts like this. Everything, literally, will only lead me back to this. My option? To ignore everything and keep producing things, the only one. What I feel is just a burst of emotion, I need to get over it again and again. Maybe in days I could feel better and I could laugh and make jokes to everything. Maybe in weeks or months I could feel devastated. I think I just need to live it. I don't know. But well, fingers crossed.

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