January 23, 2017

Not so FAQ but F---

They said, "you changed."

I say, "I didn't. I simply am being more honest and confident with myself. And I have such a taste. I'm upgrading."

They said, "you weren't this way before."

I say, "I no longer find any reason to force myself to fit in the crowds, everyone's opinions basically, so there you have it."

They said, "you must take them thousand times and do a heavy touch up to produce such pictures."

I say, "yes and no. If one or two takes are enough then I don't need more, do I? Same condition with the touch up, but really, honestly nothing exaggerated. Here's the thing, I can't let myself produce such low quality pictures. It does take time and effort. If you like my pictures so much, why don't you do the same to yours?"

They said, "it must be nice to be you."

I say, "you actually can say so. I sleep in a decent room with a king size bed, my clothes are stored in a big wardrobe, I eat decent foods at home, and I don't need to do housework. But, everything has its own plus and minus. Unfortunately, it is 'me'. Being 'me' is what makes it doesn't look that nice. Building a relationship with people is hella a big thing for me, it's too difficult not that I can help it, even I don't have a good relationship with my parents tho I see them everyday. I can not follow society's standard, so it creates a big wall for them to approach me and vice versa. And I have that madness going on in my head. So I think you probably should be more grateful for what you have."

They said, "the way you move were so bad, how can you dance now?"

I say, "I practice almost everyday. I started it with practicing in the afternoon and having a depression after I came home due to major insecurity. Tbh, at that time I never felt like working hard to achieve something in my entire life, til I had myself dive in to this field. It's never been a joke to me."

They said, "why do you postpone your study?? *add sentences like study comes first and many other blahs*"

I say, "every single person have set their own priority. If you think that your study is the most important thing then do well on your own. If you think that it is for the best then have yourself do the best for your own matter. Don't decide what the best is for others because you basically have no idea."

They said, "but, what about your parents?? They still have to pay the tuition. It's a pity for them."

I say, "they at least know what you don't know. Once I went crazy in front of them that I thought I had lost my sanity, but fortunately it happened only for seconds. Mom cried hard, didn't believe for what she saw. Neither did I. So, you know, if I didn't let myself do what I actually have wanted since forever I might actually had been gone."

They said, "now that you have nothing to do, why don't you apply for internship?"

I say, "because simply I do not have time to do so. I don't know that regularly producing well-taken pictures, taking dance videos, preparing dance competitions, writing on blog, promoting fashion brands by creating style for them are pretty much nothing to do."

They said, "you should go back to finish your bachelor degree immediately."
I say, "I'm not sure how it is an important matter to you. I'm doing my best to live my life here, if that's what you want to know or if that's what you want to check on so you can compare it to yours, don't worry."


Those are what most people asked and told me. Of course, not all of them are bad things, I really thank you if you appreciate my decision and like arts I and my team produce. I'm well aware that not all things I do will have a good response from everybody. So, for you who don't agree, but can't restrain yourself to give advises tho you don't know the whole story, here I tell you mine. I respect you as a person, that in real life maybe you got me answer yours differently because I was being nice and polite. But, sometimes I reach my limit. And this time, I really can't help, but want to tell you the side of the story, a new perspective for you. This is me who simply want to be alive. I don't ask for a big thing, but just let me breathe. Thank you for you who take time to read this.

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